You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
