Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
