My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize