My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
