He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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