D3 body, D1 cock
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Randomize
