I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
