Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
