the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Pappa wants mamma naked
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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