You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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