i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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