i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
