I will die if light touches me.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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