It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I just had sex on a roof
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
