At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
zippers are such a cool invention
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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