we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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