I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
