I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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