WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
