I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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