I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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