so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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