Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
