why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
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