You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize