I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
