Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
