i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
