just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
