Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
