I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
