addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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