Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
