his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Need sex. Gaining weight.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I believe in your delicious
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
