Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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