Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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