Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
