Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Randomize
