Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
