legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
