Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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