I'm lost and stupid without you.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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