3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
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Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
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