just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
the day after is always just damage control
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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