I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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