Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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