I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
