my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
