I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
