Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
