I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
