how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
