I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
