His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
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The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
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You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.