check it out our google latitudes are spooning
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
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I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me