rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.