Your dad touched me again.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.