it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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