Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
