Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
