i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
