I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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