Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
