I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
