I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
