im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
