he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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