Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
