I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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