At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
