New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
