Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
