No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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