peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Randomize
