This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
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The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
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I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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