so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
