Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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