I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
