Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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