That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
only you would photoshop your dick
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
