I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
